bipolar ^..^

biweekly <..<

bipolar meter: 6.0729483

So another year is almost over. This has been such a weird year, I don't really know what happened, it all went by in a flash.

Happy New Year little buggers.

bipolar meter: 8.24

Had a crazy weekend in NYC that involved the following: falling down a flight of stairs (while sober), pulling my friend out of a bar brawl (after slipping on a rum and coke he threw during said fight, hence the stair fall), seeing the Two Towers, hands-down the best movie I have seen in years, yelling at a freelance super who would not help my buds get their heat and hot water back on (and who then hit Catherine up for a token), and trying out the latest military night vision goggles at a super-cool spy store (price tag=$10,000).

Catherine in front of her "meat market."

bipolar meter: 4.23

Man, I am depressed. And I don't know why. I used to love Christmas but this year it is just bringing me down. But I am finally done with school, almost killed me and I had to go drinking with my classmates for six hours in the afternoon after our final presentation to de-stress, but it is finished. Yay.

bipolar meter: 4.5637

Still, it was heavenly to get away from schoolwork for a few days, now it is back to the grind. I feel like I've fallen into the pit of despair since the plane landed and I'm not sure why. It's very curious. I have the sudden desire to move to Hawaii for a few years. Probably just the S.A.D. nudging me a bit.

bipolar meter: 5

You know you are too busy when finally you go to look at the splinter that has been bugging you for five days but you never had time to deal with and it turns out to be a piece of glass.

bipolar meter: 5

amount of sleep I got last night: 3.5 hours

way I feel: like crap

The worst is over, I finished five projects between last Friday and today and only have one to go. At least I can sleep tonight. Mmmmm sleep. Sleep, sleep, beautiful sleep.

bipolar meter: 6 6 6

Sooooo, I'm starting to understand why they use sleep deprivation as a torture device. I am seriously losing my mind. Right now it is 1:00am, I have two more huge projects and a final to finish before Tuesday night and I am crying and laughing hysterically at the same time. I think I have gotten a total of 40 hours of sleep over the past week. It kills me that I was so bored for weeks and now I can't even take time to go to the store for milk (but I will write in my pita).

bipolar meter: 8.02000

Don't quote me on this later, but sometimes I do love winter. It is snowing out and I have nowhere to go (which is the best time for it to snow), I lit some candles, made a fire in the fireplace, put Nate King Cole's Christmas Album on, and turned the lights out so I could see the snow. The perfect winter night. Except I have a ton of work to do before next week. But at least it is a good atmosphere for an all-nighter.

bipolar meter: 6.9780

Oh yeah, that engagement thing. I was at my friends' engagement party and another friend and I decided to have a civil union in VT sometime soon. It seemed to be the only thing to do since we wanted to keep the circle of friends complete. (Almost everyone else has recently gotten married/engaged to people they have dated since high school. HIGH SCHOOL. It's cool, I just didn't know anyone in high school I could possibly imagine dating. I am a little jealous. Of course I didn't go to my big h.s. reunion this past weekend, so I could have missed out on meeting the one or some such crap.) The best part about being engaged? He bought me beer all night. I'll let you know when the big event happens.

Cannot decide what to do for New Year's. It is a holiday I despise more than any other (except perhaps V-day). This year I have several options but I really just want to take a sleeping pill and sleep through it. The most intriguing involves a trip to Roma (yay Roma!) but I don't think I have the moola. But who can put a price on Rome?

bipolar meter: 8

It's snowing! So very pretty but I am a little nervous about the drive home. I called my mom for her advice and she told me I should leave now because she needed my help polishing silver or something. Maybe I will stay here until it stops...

Bought some new music for the trip: Beck and Elvis's #1 hits. I'm not a huge Elvis fan, but this is a great CD, upbeat and fun. This is my first Beck CD ever (shocking!) and I like it, but it makes me feel like I should be very high, very depressed, very sleepy, or with someone I'm madly in love with. None of which I should or will be on the way home, so I'll stick with Elvis.

bipolar meter: 6.19999

Couldn't figure out why I have been having this overwhelming sense of foreboding for the past week or so, and then I realized that Thanksgiving is almost here, the time of year when really bad shit happens to me. Hooray! At least there is good food. Mmmmm pie. Mmmmm mashed potatoes.

On a less broody note, I did get the internship I was going for so that's pretty cool. One step closer to world domination.

bipolar meter: 6.423578

In reference to my earlier post, my friend Michael pointed out that at his school, there was a bell that signaled the end of detention (I guess he has reason to know this). I was a good girl in school so I don't know much about detention. I did have to stay after school once when I organized a sit-in for the entire 8th grade class, but that is another story.

bipolar meter: 6.978

In the midst of procrastinating, I had a new revelation about The Simpsons. In the opening scene, Bart is writing on the chalkboard but runs out the door when the bell rings. However, he was presumably writing on the chalkboard as punishment, so wouldn't he be staying after school and not be allowed to leave when the bell rings? I believe it is so.

Yes, I am a serious scholar.

I also saw Far From Heaven this weekend, quite an amazing movie, definitely go see it. The best movie I've seen in ages.

bipolar meter: 8.02

I finally managed to archive my weblog entries from 2001. It's a miracle.

bipolar meter: 6.73

Boo hoo, I'm bored. I hope to god I get this job I interviewed for, because all this free time is killing me! It's killing me, I tell you!

And of course, the boredom only makes me want to move again. I like my little city but it's just so hard to meet new people. I suppose that's true anywhere. I found out last weekend that it's next to impossible to work overseas in my field (or any field) because I have to prove that I'm more qualified than an applicant from the E.U. Which of course I am, but how do you prove that? It is totally ridiculous--I mean, we let them work over here--so I was fairly devastated about that. If I want to work for UNESCO (which is part of the U.N.) I have to go back to school for a degree in foreign affairs or something like that. Which is pretty ironic considering that's what I wanted to do when I was in high school but got off-track because I didn't get into the college I wanted to go to. So it all comes full-circle. But I don't know if I want to get another degree. I guess I will wait and see how things play out. Maybe I don't want to live overseas. Maybe I should go work for the circus so I can move around all the time.

bipolar meter: 8.02

Rosecliff (we ate breakfast and dinner under the awning, I felt like a Rockefeller)

View from the terrace (water makes me happy)

Orchard House in Concord, NH

Then I got to see my beloved Ben Kweller. He played both of my favorite songs and I was jumping up and down, so happy.

Yesterday my friend and I went up to Concord which is just beautiful. We walked around Walden Pond and put stones on the pile near the site of Thoreau's house. It was quite a magical place. Then I dragged my friend to Louisa May Alcott's house so I could see where she wrote Little Women. It's pretty amazing to think about all the people who lived up there--Emerson and Thoreau were close friends of Louisa's father, and Nathaniel Hawthorne lived next door. Now I want to live there. Except the ocean is far.

bipolar meter: 8.67

Happy Halloween! I went on a futile search for a pumpkin today but everyone was sold out. So I am stuffing my face with candy corn instead before the evening's festivities start.

Sorry I haven't updated but my life has gone from slow-mo to fast-forward in a matter of days. I am so busy now. But I thrive on the insanity.

bipolar meter: 8

Creepy but hilarious: Jesus plays sports with kids (the football one is my favorite--check out the little boy tackling Jesus). Make sure you see all three pages. I love being Catholic.

So it looks like I may be heading to Maryland this weekend. Pray for me.

bipolar meter: 7.52

I was entertaining dreams of becoming an architect until I started my drafting assignment for class today. Measured drawings are not fun. So I've decided to enter the fascinating world of AutoCAD, because after all, anything worth doing should be done on a computer. But first I have to learn the old-fashioned way. Damn architect's scale. Damn T-square. Damn vellum.

(I'm really just kidding. Getting to play with drawings is pretty damn fun. Much better than being in a cubicle all day.)

bipolar meter: 7

Spent the weekend at my brother's annual Cape party doing the usual: playing beer die, carrying firewood around, and entertaining absurd food bets. The absolute highlight of the weekend came when I won $100 for eating a whole raw onion in under 20 minutes. I didn't throw up or anything. It was a great victory. (They offered me $250 for drinking a bottle of soy sauce in 20 minutes without vomiting, but I thought that might be tough.)

bipolar meter: 5.743

Good lord, I'm bored. How can I be in graduate school and still be bored out of my mind? I think this might be my fate.

bipolar meter: 6.9778

Some pictures from last weekend in NYC.

I also finally saw Donnie Darko--what an amazing movie! At first I was worried it was another conflicted-teenage-boy flick, but when the creepy bunny appeared I was all happy. I even began to question my own sense of reality. Maybe my cat isn't sitting on the couch next to me trying to chew my arm off. Maybe it's all in my head.....

bipolar meter: 7

Still recovering from a crazy, action-packed weekend in NYC. Caught up with lots of friends, went to the Met, walked around Central Park twice (for charity and for fun), and saw Neko Case in concert (what an amazing voice). I swear, the amount of time I spend in the Big Apple, I might as well live there again.

bipolar meter: 5.12

I think the S.A.D. has kicked in early this year. Six months of depression to look forward to. I have to invest in light therapy or something. Or move to Hawaii. They do have a historic preservation program there. Mmmmm, Hawaii.

Of course, who am I to talk since I used the word "anecdote" instead of "antidote" in my last entry (thanks michael for pointing that out). School is making me an idiot.

bipolar meter: 6.8

Stupid projects I have started today to avoid doing my schoolwork:

1) Wet-mopping my entire apartment
2) Consolidating my spices with the duplicates left by my ex when he moved out 100 years ago
3) Painting my bedroom

Oh lord, why did I ever start painting my bedroom? Now it is 10pm and everything is a mess and the roller handle broke and now I've decided the color is baby blue and I hate it and I am so exhausted by the whole thing so I've given up and am sitting here listening to the new Coldplay (which gets better with every listening, quite lovely) and updating my webpage (stupid project #4).

But still, it was a fun family day, a good antidote to seeing Igby Goes Down. The movie had a great cast and was definitely engrossing but it was pretty damn depressing. And enough of the Catcher in the Rye knockoffs! (I always did dislike that book. Overrated.)

bipolar meter: 7.21

Despite my lingering feelings that I screwed up picking a graduate school, I've decided that it's all what you make of it. So I'm going to try. Running away is not always the answer. Ha.

bipolar meter: 6.3

Feeling so blah this week, not sure what is going on. Too much free time. Or something.

bipolar meter: 5

Trying my best to avoid all media coverage today but it's pretty hard. However, I am reading this article about the history of the WTC site. Things I did not know: the site was originally covered in water; when they dug the foundation for the towers they found remains of a Dutch sailing vessel that had burned and sunk in the river; and the word bowery comes from the Dutch word for farm.

bipolar meter: 8

Ohhhhhh, I am in pain. Had a great time at the wedding last night but I think I had a little too much fun--couldn't even make it through the entire after-hours party. But it was a beautiful wedding and I got to shake my booty.

bipolar meter: 9.14653

Whoa, it is weird to be back in school. Buying books, registering, getting a student ID (which I haven't done yet)--I feel like I fell down the rabbit hole. All the undergrads are hilarious walking around in Juicy t-shirts and talking on their cellphones. They make me feel about 100 years old.

There is something so wonderful about knowing I have no class again until Tuesday night....

bipolar meter: 9.005

Had a fun weekend with Catherine--I introduced her to the giant grasshopper in Providence (the quality isn't great, I was trying to drive through traffic at the time).

Now I am home, surrounded by packing boxes, crying because I have to move again. This is my 7th move in 6 years. I need to stop.

bipolar meter: 9.25

Sainte Chappelle in Paris

Tuileries in Paris

My life just kicks ass right now. I almost feel like I need to shut down bipolar biweekly because my crazy ups and downs never happen anymore, and that doesn't make for good copy. But I'm sure something bad will happen soon.

See, a completely boring entry. That's just all I have right now.

bipolar meter: 9.02

Had a fabulous trip to Maryland--such beautiful country--spent the entire time in or on the water (which always makes me soooo happy). Tried to go crabbing on the Chester River but the crabbies weren't biting.

Go out and buy some music.

bipolar meter: 8.67

Started sailing lessons this week on Boston Harbor. Very exciting: On our first sail, a giant tanker came in surrounded by 6 Coast Guard boats, a helicopter, and about 5 or 6 police boats with machine guns mounted on their sterns. They yelled at us to stay away and I just prayed some novice sailor wouldn't accidentally sail too close and go down in a hail of bullets. But all ended well.

The Cutty Sark in Greenwich

bipolar meter: 7.586

Spent a hot but entertaining weekend on the Cape with 5 little munchkins. I really enjoy being the cool aunt. Did see a dead baby pilot whale--so sad! Today I got all sorts of fun shots and TB tests for school--it's like being 18 all over again. If only my left arm wasn't completely numb and painful at the same time.

bipolar meter: 7.111

I'm starting to think I need to become an international spy, because life in the States is just too bleh. Finally watched American Idol last night (after hearing all the hype) and I was unimpressed. It's like a bad Star Search without the spokesmodels. Couldn't even watch the whole thing.

New favorite books: Empire Falls (excellent) and In Babylon, (amazing, fantastic, one of the best books I've read in a long time).

Love this song.

bipolar meter: 6.325

Wah, I miss Europe. I'm a little concerned that it is 97 degrees here and I went outside and thought, hmmm it isn't that hot out. I even turned my A/C off. It still is nothing compared to Rome.

bipolar meter: 7.9

Missing Rome, missing being outside all day, but I'm heading to the Cape very soon for one day of beach time before I go babysit three little munchkins all under the age of 4. Pray for me.

For those of you who were wondering what the hell I was doing in Italy, check out the ICCROM site. There is a lovely picture of the back of my head with my hair in a ratty ponytail. I'm being pretty lazy about posting pictures on the pita, but if you'd like to see some, email me and I can send you the link to my album.

bipolar meter: 8.765

Back in the States, very sad to leave Europe but it will be nice to be in my own bed again. Stopped off in NYC for a whirlwind visit yesterday and ate Mexican food (yay, no pizza!) then headed to CT today to help my mom pack up the last of our stuff before our house goes bye-bye tomorrow. Now I am sitting here in my place with my maniacal cat hissing at me--he isn't too happy about being uprooted after 17 years.

Then it was home again, home again; back to life, back to reality. At least until I can fly off to Europe again....

bipolar meter: 9.4

Writing this in Amsterdam, such a great city with gorgeous architecture and people who know how to party. Staying in a very posh hotel (got a pretty good rate) that overlooks Dam Square. Yesterday we wandered around, went on the Heineken Brewery tour--it recently reopened and is completely crazy and fun--and ate some Indonesia food.

Before Amsterdam, we were in Paris. I finally came to the realization that I will never love that city, it is too cold and austere and monumental for me. We visited Les Invalides and Sacre Coeur and Sainte Chappelle and the Eiffel Tower--walked for miles--and then got fleeced taking the Batobus on the Seine which was so slow and hot that we bailed after two stops. Found a fun little carnival in the Tuileries where I stuffed myself with ice cream and crepes and french fries and spent some time in my favorite part of Paris, Saint Germain des Pres. I still don't see how anyone can say that Paris is the most romantic city in the world--Italian cities are much cozier and more mysterious.

today's bipolar meter: 9.21

Had my best weekend yet in Italy. Hopped on a train to Florence which passed through gorgeous fields of sunflowers (I love train rides!). We walked up the tower in the Duomo for an incredible view of all the red roofs and then walked through the mazes of the Boboli Gardens. Later we ate gelato while watching Hari Krishners partying in the piazza with drunk Americans and newly married brides. It was quite a sight.

today's bipolar meter: 8.999

Crazy busy week in lovely Roma--visited another gorgeous garden and an amazing Roman villa but spent most of the time working. Yesterday we got to work in the lab with the guy who helped restore the Sistine Chapel and then started some archaeological digging in the Orto Botanico. It was totally cool, we found all sorts of stuff and it was like being on the Discovery Channel!

today's bipolar meter: 8.81

An amazing day walking around some spectacular gardens in the hill towns of Italy. We visited one 16th century castle that is still owned by a princess--she wasn't there but her friend showed us around and the servants served us this huge lunch in the castle's main reception room including homemade gelato made with hazelnuts from the garden--such a cool experience! And yesterday we visited an untouched palazzo (palace) in Rome that is about to be restored and were some of the first people to see the 15th century frescos uncovered for the first time in hundreds of years. I love my new career.

today's bipolar meter: 8.43

Having so much fun, I can't believe I have only been in Rome for a week because it seems like forever and I never want to leave. Been walking around every night after we are done for the day eating pizza, and gelato, and drinking wine and beer (I walked by a carbineri with two open Peroni 40s and I got all freaked out even though it is totally legal here). Such a great city, such great people with the best attitude towards everything. We spend almost all our time working--including Saturdays--so I will probably never see the inside of a museum but who cares when you can come around a corner and see them showing a silent movie in a piazza with a live orchestra? It is wonderful.

today's bipolar meter: 7.2

Loving Rome, finally got out last night with the boys (O.D.ing on girl time) after having wine and cheese and bread on our terrace and saw the Pantheon--amazing that is has been there for 2,000 years--the Trevi Fountain--where I tossed my penny in as is traditional--the Spanish Steps--fabulous people watching--and the outside of St. Peter's--which is so beautiful it looks like a mirage.

I am outta here, ciao.

today's bipolar meter: 5

First impressions of Rome: beautiful, magnificent, and HOT AS HELL. It is supposed to cool down soon but my god. Today we were sketching the water staircase in the Botanical Gardens (I totally cannot draw) and there was sweat pouring off me and bugs biting me and I was like, this is not how I pictured my Rome trip. Plus all the other students already know each other so I feel a bit left out. But I think once the jet lag wears off I will feel more positive.

The convent is pretty nice, we each got our own room (yay!) and I have a kick-ass view of the Vatican and some other stuff and the prison next door. The prisoners are hilarious, when we are out on the terrace they yell things at us which makes me glad I do not understand Italian. And during the World Cup games I can tell who is winning because they either cheer and blow horns (which I guess they are allowed to have in the prison) or they moan in despair. It is great.

Anyways, I am missing the Cape beach right now, my queen-size bed, and air-conditioning, but it is so amazing that I get to be here for a month that I cannot complain. Plus, there is a world of gelato and pasta waiting for me.

today's bipolar meter: 8.6

I'm outta here, I'll try my best to update from Rome but no promises. I have a feeling I'll be pretty busy and distracted by what is supposed to be such a wonderful place that you never want to leave. Woo hoo!

today's bipolar meter: 8.12

Just a few more days until I fly to a land where everyone is happy, good-natured, oversexed, and hopped up on wine. Yay!

I finished up my work early so now I'm bored out of my mind. I was invited to go to South Beach and London this week but instead I'm wandering around grey and dismal Cambridge, buying even more music I probably don't need (although the Norah Jones is wonderful), visiting my 7-Eleven boyfriend for Twizzlers, and writing scathing letters to the health insurance company demanding payment for my TMJ diagnosis. Thrilling stuff.

But I am excited to see an excellent double feature at the drive-in tomorrow night (still the best movie experience EVER).

today's bipolar meter: 6

Had another great weekend in NYC after Catherine scored me a last-minute ticket to see BK Baby. Ben was wonderful, he played my favorite song and finished with a lovely rendition of "Can't Help Falling in Love With You." Yes, indeed, can't help falling in love with you Ben baby.

Also picked up some more music and had my first pedicure (all part of the attempt to de-tomboyify me, which isn't really working since I'm still wearing my Carhartts 3 or 4 times a week--they are really the most comfortable pants ever). So all in all, a very fun weekend although I now have a red welt on my nose from someone whipping a piece of ice at my face. It's all fun and games 'til somebody gets hurt.

today's bipolar meter: 5

It's 4pm, I'm slightly bombed on wine from my post-talk reception at job #1. The talk went pretty well, they even asked me to give it at a townwide celebration in July. Thank God I will be in Europe because I hate public speaking. But it is nice to be asked. Plus, I got to use a laser pointer for the first time.

today's bipolar meter: 4.99999998

Had a fun time in NYC last weekend, did a lot of dancing which always makes me happy, bopped around with Catherine to Radio 4 (we were deaf for the next 24 hours) and boogied amongst fog and spinning colored lights at a going-away party on Saturday night.

today's bipolar meter: 3.2579

I am one unhappy camper. Do you ever have those lifetimes--I mean days--where you just keep laughing and crying about everything? I am trying to chant my new motto--Serenity Now--but it's not quite working yet. I am counting down the days until I can run away to the convent in Italy (where I will have a midnight curfew like Cinderella) and never look back. Last night I decided to have a Night of Catharsis and clean out my old emails. Man, there was some bad shit in there. I can only hope the next eight months will be better than the last eight.

today's bipolar meter: 4

I'm suffering from a combination of post-holiday weekend letdown and the sensation that my world is spinning wildly out of control. I guess it's because so much is changing in my life, and that always unsettles me. I am starting to fear that I have really lost my mind though. Last night I turned my humidifier on and I SWEAR it was playing a Nine Inch Nails song. Turned it off, it went away, turned it on, I heard it again. I hope I'm not losing touch with reality. (And for those of you who were wondering, I was completely sober.)

But I had a really fun weekend, you can see pics at Catherine's pita, I am too lazy. I was bad and ate lots of non-liquid foods and now my jaw is punishing me. Stupid TMJ. I think the lack of solid foods is probably contributing to my sense of weirdness since I'm all lightheaded and starving.

today's bipolar meter: 6.21

Umm, can I go back to Alaska now? Because all sorts of surreal and bizarre things have been happening to me since I got back and it's very unsettling.

Speaking of bizarre, here is a weird story about a guy whose arms were ripped off by a polar bear. Ten minutes watching the polar bear rip off your arms, that cannot be a good thing.

today's bipolar meter: 6

Home from Alaska, a little jet-lagged, a little sunburnt, a little blah at returning home. What an awesome, awesome trip. I said to my brother that it was like being in Seaworld or something out there. We went out on one of his friend's boats and in the first hour I saw: two harbor seals, an eagle swooping down to pick up a fish, a humpback whale, a king salmon diving out of the water, and several porpoises.

today's bipolar meter: 8.3

Today was INCREDIBLE--we went on a boat trip to this remote glacier in a fjord and it was so beautiful. We even got crystal-clear skies and sun all day. I saw harbor and dall seals, mountain goats, harbor seals (so cute) and a black bear.

today's bipolar meter: 7.8

Last night I saw probably the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. My brother and I were walking along a trail and as I came around the corner I stopped dead because there, right next to me, so close I could have reached out my hand to touch them (I kid you not), were three black bears--a mommy and two babies. The babies popped their heads up to look at us (the trail was a little elevated above the ground)--they were so adorable! But of course mommies with their babies are the most dangerous bears to come across, especially when they are less than 5 feet from you. So we slowly backed around the bears and kept walking. I wanted to stay and look at the babies but then the mommy started to climb up on the trail so we kept moving. I don't know what I would have done if she had come after us. It was incredible.

today's bipolar meter: 7.67

Greetings from gorgeous (if rainy) Juneau, Alaska. I'm having a great time out here. Today I hiked up a trail next to this amazing glacier. I kept singing 80s music to myself on the trail so a bear wouldn't surprise me. And my brother took me to the coolest bar downtown that used to be the Alaska Airlines hangar. It overlooks the water and mountains and has great food and beer. (I'm now converted to Alaskan Amber.) If it didn't rain so much I might never leave.

today's bipolar meter: 7

Off to Alaska, I'm excited to go, hope I survive the 5,000,000 flights I have to take to get there. And I could use a break--I managed to scrape my fairly brand-new car twice in the last two days--too much driving and not enough sleep (plus a rogue rock hiding under some tall grass).

today's bipolar meter: 6.78

Yesterday sucked big time, but today, I've decided, is the first day of the rest of my life.

My new job makes me feel like a traveling salesmen. I really do like it, it's just funny to always be driving around, eating in the car with trash and bottles all over the place, and dragging giant boxes of files everywhere. Today I got to go to see a cute little house that NH is going to demolish for a road widening. The owner, obviously, is not a happy camper. But at least if I document it, not all will be lost. I'm doing important work, changing the world. Yeah.

today's bipolar meter: 5.23

It's 12:33am (so technically Tuesday) and I just started working an hour ago. I seriously need to get a grip on this motivation problem, because this work schedule is just not healthy. I feel like a total slacker--which I am--and that makes me feel like crap about myself.

So in a related note, I have been sitting here thinking of all the bad things I have done to people in my life--inadvertently or not. If you are one of them, I want to apologize. Everyday I try harder to be a better person but I'm just deeply flawed and schitzo.

Maybe I need to go to bed. Overtiredness=bad thoughts about myself.

today's bipolar meter: 7

I'm having the hardest time motivating to do work today because all I want to do is go outside--it's so nice out finally!--so I came up with a compromise: I brought my computer out to my tiny outdoor deck so I can work outside. Pretty cool but I've been out here for an hour and still haven't done anything. It's more fun to watch people going by.

Went to the big NYC this past weekend which was a lot of fun. I've decided that I dress like a twelve year old boy so Holly and Catherine helped me buy some new girly clothes (although I did turn down the hot-pink, one-sleeved shirt with pink sequined ballet slippers on it. I can't go from wearing baggy pants and t-shirts to that). Maybe I will even start wearing mascara all the time! (That will never happen.) I saw my sister's babies last night and my nephew asked me why I didn't wear earrings. Even he thinks I dress like a boy.

today's bipolar meter: 6.98

Funniest thing ever--I found out that I am staying at a CONVENT in Rome. I kid you not. It's so appropriate that I can't stop laughing.

today's bipolar meter: 6.11

Feeling blue today, not really sure why. I really like my new job--it's cool to be out doing research instead of being stuck in a cubicle all day. But I just feel down. Bleh. Thought about breaking my lease and starting over in a new apartment but I figure I should be patient and make a wise decision. (Although running away is always so tempting. And so wonderful. For about a minute.)

Ooooohhhhhh, the death spiral of negativity.....

today's bipolar meter: 5.07

I'm starting to think honesty is overrated. Lately I've tried to be really honest with people and it ends up hurting people I don't want to hurt or making me feel stupid about something that I could have harmlessly lied about. Not that I am into lying--I truly believe honesty is extremely important--but brutal honesty can just be bad. I don't know, I'm in one of those phases where I want to sew my mouth shut to keep all the stupid things from coming out.

And now the news that my biological clock has already started ticking, well that just makes my day peachy. Can anyone say bipolar?

today's bipolar meter: 8.23

Awesome day, I just saw Derek Lowe of my beloved Red Sox pitch the first no-hitter in 40 years at Fenway Park. It was so exciting that I started crying when he threw the last out. Plus I got to see my childhood baseball idol, Rickey Henderson, play for the first time. A great, great day.

today's bipolar meter: 5.03

Polly Esther of Suck is back! Well, not really, but she wrote an entertaining article about career women and stupid societal expectations about marriage. We're all going to die alone!

I also enjoyed her rabbit blog, especially the April 18th quiz on being obsessive compulsive (something I have a tiny little problem with, ha).

today's bipolar meter: 6.92

Today, I decided to look at life positively. I mean, things are pretty damn sweet. I just sent in my acceptance letter for my graduate school fellowship (which made me really excited all of a sudden to start school), I have a job where I get to work in a farmhouse in the beautiful New Hampshire countryside (sometimes even outside), and I may get to go to Rome for a month this summer if UPenn isn't too bitter about me turning them down.

I was looking forward to my first big architectural survey--a stone culvert--and it ended up being a couple of stones covered by slabs of cracked concrete. Pretty funny actually. No historical masterpiece, but everyone has to start somewhere. Plus, they are paying me just to write about town histories, which is so great!

So I can't have everything right now. Sometimes you just need a little time to sort things out.

Peace out.

today's bipolar meter: 5.908

I truly believe it is impossible for everything in your life to be good at once. Like you get one part settled and another one blows up. I guess that's what makes life interesting.

But you know, whenever life gets a little complicated, I like to sit back and let Homer explain it to me (via Michael).

today's bipolar meter: 7.23

Crazy hot weather here in Beantown today on historic Patriots Day, where the entire city turns out to watch some masochists run in a really, really long race, see the Red Sox kick Yankee ass, and drink a lot, a lot of booze. I am almost afraid to go out there.

Plus I'm still working on turning down graduate schools--the decision is official--I am attending Boston University. Yay! Now I have five months to party!

today's bipolar meter: 6

So in true me fashion, I am currently taking a whirlwind tour of the northeast in order to see all three schools (and hit an engagement party) in the three days I have left to decide. I just finished the Boston-Vermont leg, next up later today is the Vermont-CT leg followed tomorrow by the NYC-Philadelphia-NYC-CT-Cape Cod leg. I don't know if this is going to help at all but I'm trying to appease everybody I know. Those Philly bastards just threw the opportunity to go to Rome for 4 weeks this summer so they aren't making it easy for me.

today's bipolar meter: 6.46

One week to decide, one week to decide, I am having an anxiety attack, I think I have narrowed it to UPenn, BU, and UVM (no one can make me live in Ithaca, NO ONE!). But what to do, what to do? Anyone out there have some good advice?

today's bipolar meter: 7.994

Yeah baby, I'm 5 for 5, was accepted at Columbia. (Sorry New Yorkers, don't get your hopes up, I've been told by many people in the biz not to go there. I do miss you!). Now I have to figure out where to go. One prominent person in my field told me to go to UVM which totally blew my mind, I never would have thought they were a top school. Just goes to show you that you shouldn't be seduced by the Ivys.

today's bipolar meter: 10

I am having the best birthday--the big 28, officially a member of the late 20s club--and everything is just going so well. Outward Bound was incredible, the most amazing trip I have ever taken, I had so much fun and loved being out on the water all day. Sleeping under the stars, sailing under a full moon--it was all so great. They even asked me to be an instructor! I want everyone I know to go on an Outward Bound trip now, I definitely want to go again. And I want a sailboat sooooo much.

And I was accepted at the University of Vermont! Just Columbia to go.

today's bipolar meter: 7

Decisions, decisions. I've been accepted at UPenn so as of now I will end up in Philly, Ithaca, or Boston this fall. I can't believe I am actually going to grad school. Woohoo!

today's bipolar meter: 6

Your vicious dogs brutally maul your neighbor to death (completely unprovoked) and your response is "neighbors be damned" because you don't want the dogs put down? Real nice. Hey, I have an insane cat who likes to attack strangers, but at least he is fairly harmless. I hope they send these owners to the chair. This is definitely up there on my worst-ways-to-die list.

But hey, at least Little House on the Prairie is on. Pa is teaching Almanzo to walk again (that frontier life was rough) and Caroline is crying and Laura is taking nerve tonic--it's all so wonderful and uplifting and simple. I want Charles to come and teach me about life.

today's bipolar meter: 7.07

So I got into BU, my graduate school options are getting better all the time. I can't wait to go, it will be so nice to be doing something I'm interested in again.

today's bipolar meter: 7

Shocking news: Women's magazines falsify anecdotes for relationship and sex articles! Hey, one of the best parts of writing for a woman's mag is creating fake jobs and hometowns for your friends' quotes (okay, today Beth* is a 34-year old flight attendant from Duluth...). Once I was so desparate for a quote on a risque sexual practice--that I had never participated in and my friends either hadn't or didn't want to share--that I asked my ex to tell me what he thought it would be like as a woman. I don't necessarily think it is irresponsible journalism, anyone who lives by Cosmo quotes needs serious help. *All names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Reason #497 that I never want to set foot in Texas again.

today's bipolar meter: 6

My sister had a baby girl last week, so I am an aunt again. She is so adorable! There is nothing more soothing than holding a little newborn in your arms, it's very zen (as long as you can pass them off when they start crying). I babysat her two boys for an afternoon and almost had a nervous breakdown (and they were so good). I'm not ready to be a mom.

I found the new place I want to live: Portland, Maine. It has everything: gorgeous architecture, good Indian food (Hi Bombay!), a fabulous Irish bar that serves $2 Harps and Guinnesses and Irish nachos (with fried potatoes instead of chips), plus, it's surrounded by water. I'm moving. Again. Tomorrow.

today's bipolar meter: 5.49

I think I'm over my winter depression. It feels like coming out of a dark tunnel. The weirdest part is I was feeling totally numb about everything without realizing it, and now I suddenly have feelings about things again--good and bad. It's a pretty weird sensation. Next fall I definitely am going to take proactive measures to prevent S.A.D. from kicking my ass again.

This Daniel Pearl thing is really upsetting me. I know some people are saying that he was dumb for getting himself into the situation, but nobody deserves to die that way. And maybe it was more than trying to get the Pulitzer--maybe he was trying to find out some information about the terrorists to help stop them. We simply don't know. And the fact that they made him admit to being Jewish--God it makes me sick. It's like we've learned nothing from the past.

Of course it doesn't help that I had a dream last night that my ex had a swastika drawn on his neck.

today's bipolar meter: 6.779

It's official: I'm addicted to procrastination. I wonder if there is any cure. For example, if I took ritalin (which is supposed to help you concentrate), would I procrastinate less? Because I can imagine this is going to be a problem in grad school. Once I settle into something it's fine, but getting started kills me. You would be amazed at the projects I can come up with to avoid the task at hand.

Went back to my old hood this weekend and actually got a little nostalgic for NYC (which scared the hell out of me). I saw my beloved hairdresser Gigi, who kindly agreed to chop all my hair off. Gigi: "Do you want to cut off your hair because it is driving you crazy, or did you just break up with your boyfriend?" Me: "Umm, both." Hairdressers are so perceptive.

Isn't the point of an internship to gain real-life work experience? And what office is comprised of people who are exactly the same age? Idiots.

today's bipolar meter: 9

Someone out there must have been listening to my plea last night, because when I got home today, I found out I had been accepted to Cornell!!!!! I never thought I would find out this early and I have to say that I am damn excited.

It has just been a great day all around. I wore my new fleece-lined pants today and they make winter almost pleasurable. I can't tell you how much I love them, I want everyone to go out and get a pair (they are on sale) so they too can appreciate the cozy wonderness of the fleece lining. I'm walking around, other people on the street are shivering in the cold, and I'm happy as a clam. Next I want to find a fleece-lined jumpsuit with a hood so I can be totally enveloped in warmth.

today's bipolar meter: 6.25

I love a good ice skating controversy. The Olympics drive me crazy but I do enjoy the drama.

today's bipolar meter: 5.63

I stole this link from Catherine (who got it from someone else), but it is too good to pass up: The Mystery of Britney Spears' Breasts. How can she have boobs smaller than mine in her latest movie (I haven't seen it--and never will--watch the trailer), but have huge cleavage at other times? No padded bra can push-up an A cup that much.

Signed up for my Outward Bound sailing trip!

today's bipolar meter: 7

It was still light out when I left work today! (And I didn't even leave early.) I can't tell you how happy that made me! We are over the worst of it, the happy-happy joy-joy springtime is coming soon!

I'm also pretty psyched to be doing research and writing again--both at my internship and for freelance work (thanks Holly!). I even got to do a little light reading at this fascinating dentistry site. Lord, I'm so glad that I'm not going to med school. I love how instead of calling it toothpaste, they refer to it as "anticalculus dentifrice."

today's bipolar meter: 3.29

Patriots win! Okay, I'm not a football fan, but I have to live vicariously through other New England sports teams since mine perennially loses. It was a fun time--tons of people cheering in the streets, no violence or looting--a good reminder of why I love Boston.

today's bipolar meter: 6

The unemployed have given up. I believe it: I now know almost as many people who are unemployed as employed. Maybe we should get together and start a band or something.

I went on a field trip with a class from BU--we visited this old bakery that is being converted into offices and apartments. It was incredible; from the roof there are 360 degree views of Boston and the apartments have huge balconies with water views on two sides. It was cool to be in a construction site, although riding in the elevator jerry-rigged to the side of the building made me a little nervous. Then we went to this swank architectural firm to see slides and they served us wine and cheese and crackers. Grad school is going to rock! If only I did have to wait two more months to find out...

I can't stop listening to The Strokes. It is a great CD, highly addictive without getting on your nerves after listening to it a few times. A good choice if you are sitting at home in front of your computer for most of the day and are too lazy to get up and change the discs in your stereo.

today's bipolar meter: 5.98

Buffy has gotten to be soooooo stupid, almost unwatchable. I can't stand the predictable storylines, the cheesy characters, the fake Spike humping--it's all too much. I was so bored watching tonight that I switched to some weird game show hosted by John McEnroe where contestants win money by keeping their heart rates down. What has the TV world come to?

today's bipolar meter: 6.67

Yay! YM is going to stop writing diet stories for preteens. Highly unusual for a magazine to have any morals.

today's bipolar meter: 6.98

Ummm, so it turns out I'm not the only one who's decided to head to graduate school. Hopefully no one else wants to do historic preservation, especially since there's no $$$ in it. I will miss my internet income. But being happy is more important. See, not all doom and gloom, sometimes the bipolarness can work in your favor. I'm starting to get excited for the freedom of the next 7 months. Check out the house I'm going to buy.

today's bipolar meter: 7.02

I'm all done! No more applications, they are all outta here! I thought I would feel elated but I have that post-thing letdown feeling. Because now there is nothing but time stretching in front of me, weeks and weeks with nothing to do...

I stole this link from Catherine but it was too good to pass up. These scumbags made a plaque to be presented to James Earl Jones on Martin Luther King Day, but put James Earl Ray's name on it instead (the man who shot MLK). The Texas company who made the plaque said it was a mistake and blamed it on non-English workers--which is complete b.s.!!! Even if you don't speak English there is no way you would mistake the name Jones for Ray. Another reason I never want to set foot in Texas again.

today's bipolar meter: 6.87

London's Daily Telegraph compares Bush to Homer Simpson, saying the pretzel incident shows he is a "man of the people." I have to say, the press has gone crazy over this story but I do like how Bush doesn't try to be all fake. He's almost proud of his doofiness.

today's bipolar meter: 5

I'm officially in hell. It's 1:00am, my research paper is due in 18 hours, and I'm re-learning how to write footnotes. You would think I would have learned in college not to wait until the last minute to starting writing--I once worked on a chapter of my thesis for 22 hours straight (I kid you not, I didn't leave my computer the entire time)--but I still do it. It's not like I'm really busy or anything, I only work three days a week and I didn't even work yesterday or today (today being Wednesday, I guess, since it is 1:00am). I am an idiot. At least I have lots of pictures and plans to distract my teacher from the actual paper.

today's bipolar meter: 7

Today's near-death experience: carbon monoxide poisoning (or dioxide, I can't remember which one it was). My apartment has been visited by three fireman, two gas company employees, and the city gas inspector. They say there is a problem with the apartment next door but mine is fine. Somehow I am not comforted by this, especially since: 1) we are in the same building; 2) more people keep showing up at my door; and 3) carbon monoxide is the silent killer. I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight!

today's bipolar meter: 7

Happy freaking New Year!

My new year is starting on an auspicious note. My ring finger has been numb and tingly for a week now. I called the nurse hotline and they said I should contact my doctor within 4 hours. Of course, my doctor refuses to talk to patients, so let's hope it's not fatal. Possible causes of finger numbness: stroke, TIA (mini stroke), multiple sclerosis, and some others. Diagnosing yourself is always dangerous, but I was right about my knee injury.